In parts 1 and 2, I shared how four seconds is all the time you need to replace damaging habits with ones that help you connect with yourself and with others. Now one more step to fully use all your power: to engage in behaviors that help you work and lead in a way that inspires you and inspires others to follow you and do their best.
When my kids flooded the kitchen, I had those two goals in mind: fix the damage and engage them while developing their skills for the future. Taking that breath and resisting the urge to yell at them (part 1), connecting with them and seeing what they needed (part 2), and then engaging them in taking responsibility (part 3) in what leadership is all about.
Here you will learn to subvert the knee-jerk reactions that either bowl people over in order to get stuff done, or that tiptoe around their feelings and get nothing done. You'll learn to over come the temptation to do things that lead to negativity, and you will learn how to instead help people commit to, and follow through on, the actions that will make a difference to your most important objectionve. You will learn to behave in ways that create the space for people to collaborate, change, and blossom.
35. Hair Salon Leadership
Resisst the natural tendency to vent at work. If you feel uncontrollably emotional, upset, or riled up, leave the situation. We need to be diligent and disciplined about how we act because, as Avi oberved, we're always on stage.
When you are in charge, you need to look good, relaxed, in control. Meanwhile your stomach is turning because you see that things aren't running like they are supposed to.
36. George Wathington vs. Super Bowl: see individuals individually
Comparing-yourself to others or others to each other-doesn't get you anywhere. Each person has a unique blend of skills, motivations, passions, capabilities, strengths, weaknesses, character, and personality. Seeing individuals individually will elicit better performance, loyalty, and gratitude.
(1) Why is comparining impossible?
Ultimately, comparing misses the basic and very human principle of talent management: each person is unique. Great managers maximize the impact of each person's unique talents to make a positive impact. They understand each one of their employees well enough to put him or her in the exact role, the exact situation, that leverages the individual's exceptional strengths and mitigates the negative consequences of the person's distinctive weaknesses. They don't waste energy comparing one person to another. They focus energy by comparing each person to the particular job he or she is tasked to accomplish. Unless everyone is doing the exact same thing in the exact same way-which rarely happens-it's a waste of time to compare them. It's worse than a waste of time; it's destructive mismanagement.
(2) So comparing can;t be done
When I assess the strengths of a CEO's leadership team, I look, more than anything, at how they work together. Do senior leaders take responsibility for company-wide problems even if the problems have nothing to do with their particular business?
People learn by taking risks, reaching outside their comfort zone, stepping into roles that are too big, making mistakes and correcting them. That means their performance will go down if they are learning. But rank people and you end up penalizing them for taking on more challenges.
50.The pea haters who ate peas like pea lovers
Create change by telling the right stories
So what do we usually do that doesn't;t work? We try to tell people what to do, often in anger or frustration. Or we try to reward people, financially or otherwise. We send emails to communications to highlight what we are looking for. And we try to punish people who don't follow our direction. None of that seems to work predictably.
In the late 1970, U of Illinois researcher Leann Lipps Birch conducted a series of experiences on children to see what would get them to eat vegetables they disliked. This is a high bar. We are not talking about simply eating more vegetables. We are talking We are talking about eating specific vegetables: the ones they didn't like.
She put a child who didn't like peas at a table with several other children who did. within a meal or two, the pea hater was eating peas like the pea lovers. Peer pressure!
" You change other people with stories. Right now your stories are about how hard you work people . Like the woman you forced to work on her wedding day. You may not be proud of it, but it's the story you tell. That story conveys what you expect of people simply and reliably. And I'm certain you're not the only one who tells it. You can be sure the bride tells it. And all her friends. If you want to change people's behaviors, you have to change the stories they hear and the ones they tell.
Not to change anything else-not the performance review systems or the reward systems or the way people are trained. don't change anything.
To stimulate people's change all you need to do is two simple things:
do dramatic story-worthy things that represent the change you want people to make. Then let other people tell stories about
Find other people who do story-worthy things that represent the change you want people to make. Then tell stories about them.
51. How Jori Lost Eighty Pounds: forget willpower. restructure your environment.
When my kids flooded the kitchen, I had those two goals in mind: fix the damage and engage them while developing their skills for the future. Taking that breath and resisting the urge to yell at them (part 1), connecting with them and seeing what they needed (part 2), and then engaging them in taking responsibility (part 3) in what leadership is all about.
Here you will learn to subvert the knee-jerk reactions that either bowl people over in order to get stuff done, or that tiptoe around their feelings and get nothing done. You'll learn to over come the temptation to do things that lead to negativity, and you will learn how to instead help people commit to, and follow through on, the actions that will make a difference to your most important objectionve. You will learn to behave in ways that create the space for people to collaborate, change, and blossom.
35. Hair Salon Leadership
Resisst the natural tendency to vent at work. If you feel uncontrollably emotional, upset, or riled up, leave the situation. We need to be diligent and disciplined about how we act because, as Avi oberved, we're always on stage.
When you are in charge, you need to look good, relaxed, in control. Meanwhile your stomach is turning because you see that things aren't running like they are supposed to.
36. George Wathington vs. Super Bowl: see individuals individually
Comparing-yourself to others or others to each other-doesn't get you anywhere. Each person has a unique blend of skills, motivations, passions, capabilities, strengths, weaknesses, character, and personality. Seeing individuals individually will elicit better performance, loyalty, and gratitude.
(1) Why is comparining impossible?
Ultimately, comparing misses the basic and very human principle of talent management: each person is unique. Great managers maximize the impact of each person's unique talents to make a positive impact. They understand each one of their employees well enough to put him or her in the exact role, the exact situation, that leverages the individual's exceptional strengths and mitigates the negative consequences of the person's distinctive weaknesses. They don't waste energy comparing one person to another. They focus energy by comparing each person to the particular job he or she is tasked to accomplish. Unless everyone is doing the exact same thing in the exact same way-which rarely happens-it's a waste of time to compare them. It's worse than a waste of time; it's destructive mismanagement.
(2) So comparing can;t be done
When I assess the strengths of a CEO's leadership team, I look, more than anything, at how they work together. Do senior leaders take responsibility for company-wide problems even if the problems have nothing to do with their particular business?
People learn by taking risks, reaching outside their comfort zone, stepping into roles that are too big, making mistakes and correcting them. That means their performance will go down if they are learning. But rank people and you end up penalizing them for taking on more challenges.
37. Complaining with complainers
Countering someone’s negativity with your positivity doesn’t
work because it’s argumentative. People don’t like to be emotionally
contradicted, and if you try to convince them that they shouldn’t feel
something, they’ll only feel it more stubbornly. And if you’re a leader trying
to be positive, it comes off even worse because you’ll appear out of touch and
aloof to the reality that people are experiencing.
The other instinctive approach-confronting someone’s
negativity with your own negativity-doesn’t work because it’s additive. Your
negative reaction to their negative reaction simply adds fuel to the fire.
Negativity breeds negativity.
So how can you turn around negativity?
I discovered the answer…at first, I tried to convince her
that all kids fight and ours weren’t so bad. Then I became frustrated with her
complaining and told her as much. She got angry. Who wouldn’t but then she did
something really helpful for me: she told me “ I don’t want to fee that I’m
alone in this. I want to know you understand. I want you to tell me that we’re
in this together. In fact, I did share her frustrations, but I was trying not
to be negative-which, of course, made the whole interaction more negative.
After my conversation, I had a surprising insight: you don’t need to change our
response. You just need to redirect it.
Understand how they feel and validate it
Find a place to agree with them
Find out what they are positive about and reinforce it
38. The Training Wheels had to come off
(let people fil-or almost fail)
Learning to ride a bike-learning anything, actually-isn't about doing it right. It's about doing it wrong and then adjusting. Learning isn't bout being in balance; it's about recovering balance. And you can't recover balance if someone keeps you from losing balance in the first place.
I had to use more refined judgement. I had to time my catch just right... is the central challenge we face as managers. I had to time my catch just right... it's the sweet spot between micromanagement and neglect. Allowing for failure while ensuring the safety..Our job is to gauge the circumstances correctly. What's the risk, the consequences of failure? Is time critical? Will mistakes destroy the person's reputation forever? Or will it be an effective learning experience?.. Once, we can adapt, changing our response to help the employee learn to recover, stay upright, and keep pedaling.
Here is one way: ask yourself what it will take for the employee to recover herself. How close is she to the ground? Is she falling or simply learning. What will help her regain her balance? What can you do that will give her that opportunity.
Our natural instinct is to prevent all failure, but doing so stunts growth. Your job as a leader is to build an independently capable team, which means learning when to let people fail and when to catch them.
39. Are you ready to be a leader?
" more senior"
She talked up other people, gave them more credit, and tried to get them promote. She also changed her focus from her department to the larger organization. She asked more questions and explored other people's perspectives, which made her seem wise and open. Kurt Vonnegut once said, " were are what we pretend to be, so we must e carful what we pretend to be"
49. The no-power point rule: embrace the informal meeting
Learning to ride a bike-learning anything, actually-isn't about doing it right. It's about doing it wrong and then adjusting. Learning isn't bout being in balance; it's about recovering balance. And you can't recover balance if someone keeps you from losing balance in the first place.
I had to use more refined judgement. I had to time my catch just right... is the central challenge we face as managers. I had to time my catch just right... it's the sweet spot between micromanagement and neglect. Allowing for failure while ensuring the safety..Our job is to gauge the circumstances correctly. What's the risk, the consequences of failure? Is time critical? Will mistakes destroy the person's reputation forever? Or will it be an effective learning experience?.. Once, we can adapt, changing our response to help the employee learn to recover, stay upright, and keep pedaling.
Here is one way: ask yourself what it will take for the employee to recover herself. How close is she to the ground? Is she falling or simply learning. What will help her regain her balance? What can you do that will give her that opportunity.
Our natural instinct is to prevent all failure, but doing so stunts growth. Your job as a leader is to build an independently capable team, which means learning when to let people fail and when to catch them.
39. Are you ready to be a leader?
" more senior"
She talked up other people, gave them more credit, and tried to get them promote. She also changed her focus from her department to the larger organization. She asked more questions and explored other people's perspectives, which made her seem wise and open. Kurt Vonnegut once said, " were are what we pretend to be, so we must e carful what we pretend to be"
49. The no-power point rule: embrace the informal meeting
The result? when each person stood up to present his strategy, everone else did one of two things: tune out or poke holes. People tune out because nothing is required of them. or they poke holes becaue if they don't tune out, it's the most interesting thing to do when someone is trying to prove there are no holes.
ppt focus on answers, and everyone faces the screen, but your meetings should be conversations. Try this, instead of preparing clear, well-thought- out (and boring) ppt, try leading informal discussions, using flip charts to collect important points, draw conclusions, and agree on action plans with wonders and timelines.
Save some time at the end of the meeting to develop communications plans to disseminate the decisions. I'm always a little surprised at how many inconsistencies and disparagements surface only when it comes time to commit to precisely what is going to be communicated. Following the no-PowerPoint rule has the greatest impact because it keeps the energy where it should be: solving problems together.
Each executive lead a conversation, and each conversation ended with an agreed-upon action plan with owners and timelines.
50.The pea haters who ate peas like pea lovers
Create change by telling the right stories
So what do we usually do that doesn't;t work? We try to tell people what to do, often in anger or frustration. Or we try to reward people, financially or otherwise. We send emails to communications to highlight what we are looking for. And we try to punish people who don't follow our direction. None of that seems to work predictably.
In the late 1970, U of Illinois researcher Leann Lipps Birch conducted a series of experiences on children to see what would get them to eat vegetables they disliked. This is a high bar. We are not talking about simply eating more vegetables. We are talking We are talking about eating specific vegetables: the ones they didn't like.
She put a child who didn't like peas at a table with several other children who did. within a meal or two, the pea hater was eating peas like the pea lovers. Peer pressure!
" You change other people with stories. Right now your stories are about how hard you work people . Like the woman you forced to work on her wedding day. You may not be proud of it, but it's the story you tell. That story conveys what you expect of people simply and reliably. And I'm certain you're not the only one who tells it. You can be sure the bride tells it. And all her friends. If you want to change people's behaviors, you have to change the stories they hear and the ones they tell.
Not to change anything else-not the performance review systems or the reward systems or the way people are trained. don't change anything.
To stimulate people's change all you need to do is two simple things:
do dramatic story-worthy things that represent the change you want people to make. Then let other people tell stories about
Find other people who do story-worthy things that represent the change you want people to make. Then tell stories about them.
51. How Jori Lost Eighty Pounds: forget willpower. restructure your environment.
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