What To Say To Get Your Way-Effective Tips For Communication

Don't say "you don't get it." SAY "I'm not make myself clear..."John structures his book on a few sound principles and then elaborates them by presenting short sentences spoken the wrong way and the right way. He kicks off the book with what he calls ‘Six degrees of conversation’. These are:

• Think ahead (so that you don’t think after the words have already left your mouth)
• Listen more
• Pay attention
• Listen emphatically
• Slow down
• Lower your voice

Communication tip #III -Give them a choice. Use Can/Could or May/Might
This tactic offers the other party a face saving choice instead of directly facing your demand or accusation. This also helps reduce defensiveness. So instead of saying “You need to…
or “You must…” say “You might…” or “You could…”.

Communication tip #IV – Avoid Confrontation
In fact the whole book is designed to help you avoid confrontation. This tactic helps us refrain from using provocative phrases during moments when we are emotionally hijacked. For example instead of saying “You are wrong ” say “I would argue that…” or “I would make the case that…”

Communication tip #V -Turn an accusation into a question
This is a terrific tactic and my favorite. An accusation is like a rhetorical question. It is not expected to deserve a response other than an involuntary denial or hardening of attitudes. But if you rephrase the accusation as a question…now that it different. Example, don’t say “I don’t see the point of this” instead say “What are you trying to get accomplished here”.

Communication tip #VI -Avoid the negative
So instead of saying “That is not what I said” say “Let me explain that again”. You will become that much more agreeable a person.

Communication tip #VII -Soften the message
The point here is that saying it in the harshest, meanest manner is less effective than saying it with tact. Assuming it is constructive conversation you are after. So “I disagree” can be softened to “I am not sure I’d agree that…”. Another related tip is how you start your sentences. The right way sets the tone for the rest to follow. An example of a good way to start “As I understand…”.