Nicely done: you start by sharing positive, detailed comments for both colleagues. Then you respectfully move into suggestions for improvement. Feedback to both writers is comprehensive and specific.
Here is an idea to improve the coherence of your feedback even more: Before breaking up feedback by section, start with an overview paragraph that mentions some general positive comments about the writing for both memo and email. Then provide a thesis featuring a road map for what's to come. For example, I notice you mention in your feedback some changes to consider for both writers but you don't mention you will be making suggestions based on the memo and email， respectively. A revision might be "I have some suggestions about ways to improve your memo and email." The first body section then links to the suggestions you have for the memo. The second body section then links to the suggestions you have for the letter.
Consider concluding your feedback on a positive note as well-so that you critique is sandwiched between two positive comments. You do a nice job of...
Make sure when revising to play close attention to contractions. you've been missing them more than normal
Works for now in drafting process but seriously do not forget to rework this sentence over and over. Especially since it makes it sound like you're focusing on studies which isn't the case. Sounds too scientific.
Not an entirely bad sentence but there's still sth missing or maybe a different organization of words in the sentence?
Repetitive start. Need a different ending sentence. Seems to abrupt. Not sure if additional info on how this...should be added. There's already a page on him, but it's an option if needed.
Actually you can't make a better transition if you don't have transition at all. Make a transition first then make it better
Awkward sentence? Think so. Come back to it later.
Rough paragraph?
May have to change the order as this is sort of ...
This will probably need to be flushed out a little more. Hopefully..
Should probably figure out a way to cut down... from..They are really long, but powerful which makes it tough to deem what is necessary and what isn't
Could probably find a different sentence. Not sure if speculation really fits. Not sure if I really like it.
Talking about page numbers, maybe would be better to talk about how much time.... instead?
Really long quote. Can cut last half if needed, but love this quote. Entire thing is very powerful. Keep whole thing if possible
Feel like I need some better analysis
will need some sort of analysis of this quote. Otherwise just cut it. Probably is too redundant anyway, espcially with ...
not sure if this is something that needs to be said?
Hoping to integrate what they do and how it ...
Sentence needs a little work. Like the first half, second half is a little weak.
need work
Here is an idea to improve the coherence of your feedback even more: Before breaking up feedback by section, start with an overview paragraph that mentions some general positive comments about the writing for both memo and email. Then provide a thesis featuring a road map for what's to come. For example, I notice you mention in your feedback some changes to consider for both writers but you don't mention you will be making suggestions based on the memo and email， respectively. A revision might be "I have some suggestions about ways to improve your memo and email." The first body section then links to the suggestions you have for the memo. The second body section then links to the suggestions you have for the letter.
Consider concluding your feedback on a positive note as well-so that you critique is sandwiched between two positive comments. You do a nice job of...
Make sure when revising to play close attention to contractions. you've been missing them more than normal
Works for now in drafting process but seriously do not forget to rework this sentence over and over. Especially since it makes it sound like you're focusing on studies which isn't the case. Sounds too scientific.
Not an entirely bad sentence but there's still sth missing or maybe a different organization of words in the sentence?
Repetitive start. Need a different ending sentence. Seems to abrupt. Not sure if additional info on how this...should be added. There's already a page on him, but it's an option if needed.
Actually you can't make a better transition if you don't have transition at all. Make a transition first then make it better
Awkward sentence? Think so. Come back to it later.
Rough paragraph?
May have to change the order as this is sort of ...
This will probably need to be flushed out a little more. Hopefully..
Should probably figure out a way to cut down... from..They are really long, but powerful which makes it tough to deem what is necessary and what isn't
Could probably find a different sentence. Not sure if speculation really fits. Not sure if I really like it.
Talking about page numbers, maybe would be better to talk about how much time.... instead?
Really long quote. Can cut last half if needed, but love this quote. Entire thing is very powerful. Keep whole thing if possible
Feel like I need some better analysis
will need some sort of analysis of this quote. Otherwise just cut it. Probably is too redundant anyway, espcially with ...
not sure if this is something that needs to be said?
Hoping to integrate what they do and how it ...
Sentence needs a little work. Like the first half, second half is a little weak.
need work
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