How we choose our friends

Physiology

Far from being a random meeting of like minds, the friendships we forge are a response to what we’re going through at the time. But does that make them temporary alliances?

Why we’re drawn to make friends with certain people and not others is a complex algorithm of circumstances, similarities, differences and life stages.

In good times and bad, it’s about being there. My group of friends is like an amazing safety net.

“When you reach your 40s, you have a clearer idea of who you have become, so you become less tolerant of spending time with people who drain you…so you tend to hold on the good ones.”

Your dream team

The wider your friendship base, the stronger and more efficient your support network

There are things about us that might be off-putting, but when you love the whole person, you accept them.

“I think what makes it work is that we are completely honest about ourselves and with each other”

Be a better friend

Dealing with differences

Coping with conflict

Ways of manipulation

Just as in romantic relationships, the desire to be “right”, and not to be exposed as “wrong”, is a powerful drive. Yet letting go of always having to be right is one of the kinds things you can do to yourself in terms of improving all your relationship.

“Airing complains”?

Ways of Manipulation

It is easier to spot when we are being manipulated than when we are guilty of it ourselves, but most of us are not as straightforward in all our communication as we think…such habits are automatic, but it doesn’t mean we can’t work on our self-awareness so we can make an effort to become more straightforward…

So bear these aphorisms in mind: “Do as you would be done by” and “we want more than virtue in our friends”- you are probably not fiends with anyone merely because they occupy the moral high ground.”

More than anything, what we need in our friends is to now they will offer us emotional safety and comfort, because when we have that, we can relax enough to have a good laugh.

Our group thought me the meaning of friendship, it can last for ever, no matter how far apart you are…

We are conscious of the need to look after our friendships as we all go through thick and thin.

What sort of friend are you?

You are unavailable

You are in it for the long term

You find safety in numbers

You treat friendship like passion